Lisa’s Story

SEX — it was something I was looking forward to. As I started to date, I knew I needed to set some boundaries in my relationships because of my desire to be sexually intimate.

So, I mentally set up my boundaries and made a commitment to myself that I wanted to wait until marriage, knowing it would be worth waiting for.

I then decided to write out a list of all the qualities I desired in a mate. I would refer back to that list many times, reminding myself that he would be worth waiting for when I found the right person.

My decision was not an easy one. It was challenging to remain focused on the goal I had set for myself.

However, I knew that if I weren’t sexually active, I’d never have to worry about an unplanned pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases, or not being able to pursue my life goals. I also considered how those concerns could affect my relationship with my future husband and children.

I met my husband when I was a freshman in college. We got acquainted as friends and eventually started dating.

I remember the day when I realized that he was the man I wanted to marry. By then, we knew each other very well, having spent a lot of time talking and doing activities we both enjoyed. We had become best friends.

I realized that the closeness of our relationship wouldn’t have been possible if we had allowed sex to become a part of it.

Throughout our time of dating, I had to keep reminding myself of the benefits of abstinence. Thankfully, my husband had the same commitment, so we were able to help each other.

It definitely wasn’t easy, but it was the right decision.

Our wedding night was so special because we were both able to give each other the very best wedding gift- the gift of ourselves. We now have a lifetime to enjoy great sex!

I love the fact that I can feel secure with my husband, knowing that neither of us has anyone else to compare each other with. I am so glad I decided to remain abstinent until marriage- it is a decision I will never regret.

In so many ways, I believe that decision has contributed to the wonderful relationship my husband and I enjoy today, one that we started back in college.

We have built our relationship around commitment and friendship, and I know that would not have been possible had we been sexually active prior to our marriage.

Marita’s Story

Every February 17th (the day before my son’s birthday), my telephone rings at approximately 11:45 pm. It is an expected, happy, and very emotional call from my now 27-year-old son, Joshua.

I answer, smiling, and say, “Hello.” The voice says, “Mom, thank you for giving me life and having me. Thank you for having God and faith in your life and for not having an abortion.” My husband is usually right next to me, knowing exactly who it is. We both tear up and smile.

My Catholic-Italian upbringing was very strict, with stringent rules and an instillation of high morals. I dated my husband, Jeff, during our junior and senior years in high school.

I was abstinent my whole life, including those two years of courtship with Jeff. When Jeff went to college in Alabama on a wrestling scholarship, we intended to stay together, but word from a friend told me Jeff was dating others in Alabama.

I started going out with my friends and met a new guy. He was very different than Jeff.

I let my guard down and, for the first time in my life, had sex. I really can’t tell you why. Even though we used a condom, I became pregnant.

I first shared this nightmare (at the time) with my sister Teri, and we decided to tell my mom’s good friend, Mary. Mary was very wealthy and had a condo in Florida where she would take us all the time for vacations.

She suggested that if I wanted to, we would go on one of our spontaneous trips to Florida and have an abortion without anyone ever knowing I was pregnant.

Ironically, my job at a health spa was folding at the time, leaving me with severance pay, full insurance coverage, and eligibility to receive unemployment. I never thought seriously about having an abortion, so I declined Mary’s offer right away.

I told Mary that all my life, I only wanted to get married and have babies. I thought it would be with Jeff, but now my plans had changed. I was certain I would never be with Jeff again.

I felt God was giving me this baby as a test to see what I would do with such a gift. I decided that I was going to fight for this baby and keep it.

Teri and I told my parents next. It was very hard as I was so scared and ashamed, and I felt like I had failed them. Seeing them hug each other and cry was very difficult, but I felt I had to be strong and fight for the life inside me.

My mother started hyperventilating, and we called 911 for fear she was having a heart attack. That night, most of my family members came to my house, giving me disapproving looks that hurt so badly.

It was an emotional night, to say the least.

I remember walking by my 12-year-old brother’s room and seeing him with his head in his arms, sobbing at the news. My grandpa came to me and offered me $500 to have an abortion.

I now realize he was not thinking clearly and was worried about what my family and friends would think of me. My mother told me that if it was a boy, she would never love him because he would remind her of his biological father (whom she didn’t care for).

Shortly after finding out I was pregnant, I realized what my family was saying about the biological father. He was not what I wanted in a husband or father. I asked him to stay away.

My father, the last person I would ever think would come to me that night, came into my room. He could have said, “I told you so,” or could have kicked me out of the house, but instead, he told me he would be there for me and the baby, and we could live with him forever. He said he could never turn his back on me.

Jeff also stopped by my house that night to see if the news that traveled around so fast was true. I went to bed that night feeling so scared and alone, except for the life inside me.

I prayed to God like I had never prayed before. I thought I had a good relationship with God all those years, going to Mass every Sunday and praying, but something hit me like a ton of bricks. I had never felt God as much as I did that night.

I cried and asked God to give me strength. I asked Him to help me fight for this life inside me. I felt like God, my baby, and I were doing this together.

Things got better with every month of my pregnancy. My family was becoming supportive and was getting excited about the new baby. Jeff and I continued to talk now and then, and he would visit me when he came home from Alabama.

It was New Year’s Eve, I was seven months pregnant, and Jeff canceled his original date for that night to take me out to dinner.

When he came to pick me up, the first thing he told me was how beautiful I looked. Before he returned to Alabama the next day, he came over to tell me he could not get me off his mind.

He said he’d dated a lot of other girls, but it was me and my baby that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. He asked me to marry him.

Eight months later, we were married and moved to Alabama for his last year of college. Taking six-month-old baby Joshua away from my family was very hard as they now absolutely adored him.

Jeff and I will be celebrating our 27th wedding anniversary this August 13th.

God has done many things in my life and has tested me so many times. I remember wondering if Jeff could ever love Joshua as much as I did.

I was convinced he could when Joshua was two years old, completely dehydrated with the flu. When we went to Children’s Hospital, the doctors could not get an IV started anywhere due to his collapsing veins. Joshua was hysterically crying as we held him down.

The doctors wanted to take Joshua to a room by himself to try to get the IV in. Jeff told the doctors with tears running down his face that there was no way they would take his son to a room without him. He never left Joshua’s side during that stay.

I have never doubted Jeff’s love for Joshua from that point forward.

This year, on February 17, I called my son before he could call me. I thanked him for being in my life and being such a good son and brother to his two younger sisters, Talia and Jenna.

Joshua is getting married on July 31 to a wonderful girl named Camille, another blessing. Joshua has asked Jeff to be his best man at his wedding.

Joshua told me that he would be happy if he could be half the man and father Jeff has been.

Now, 27 years later, God is still guiding me. He has led me to the Pregnancy Decision Health Center, where I have volunteered, seeing and talking to clients for 1 ½ years.

When I go to sleep at night, I know that I am making a difference in others’ lives and helping young girls who remind me so much of myself 27 years ago.

Scott’s Story

I was changed forever when I urged my girlfriend to have an abortion in 1973…just two months after the Roe vs. Wade decision.

The most important and painful lesson I learned was that abortion is a permanent decision. It cannot go away, and it cannot be forgotten.

I came to realize that men could experience post-abortion stress. Because I would not talk about the emotional pain I was feeling, I delayed my own recovery.

My secret was too dark to share.

Guilt — I suffered from a profound sense of guilt for a variety of reasons. I experienced guilt for being insensitive to my girlfriend. In the time before and after her abortion, I never tried to understand her feelings.

Only years later did I come to appreciate the details of the emotional pain she endured through the most traumatic event of her life.

I had to deal with violating my personal sense of right and wrong. I considered myself a believing Christian at the time, yet I refused to listen to the discerning voice inside.

I suffered guilt for the responsibility I shared for the lingering health effects in my girlfriend…who later became my wife.

Avoidance behavior — For nearly twenty years, I insisted on keeping the abortion a secret, and I refused to talk about it.

I avoided anything that reminded me of pregnancy or children. For years, the presence of small children would literally make me angry, and I never knew why.

Depression — Mysteriously, I lost my self-esteem. In the back of my mind, I battled thoughts like, “If you only knew what I did…”

This caused me to lose my vision and motivation for what I was attempting to do with my life. As a result, I dropped out of college for two years.

Ironically, one of the compelling reasons I urged abortion was because I did not want to quit school.

Anxiety — My wife suffered severe complications during two pregnancies after we were married. It was hard enough to realize that her unhealthy pregnancies were likely physical consequences of the abortion.

A mental battle compounded the harshness of this reality by tempting us to think this was a “judgment” we were reaping because of what we had sown.

Freedom and recovery — By God’s grace, my wife went full term with both babies, and we are blessed to have two healthy, beautiful daughters. I sobbed when I truly realized there was another child who would have been as precious to me as my two daughters are.

Twenty years after the abortion, when we recognized we could no longer keep the secret, the healing began. Gradually, my calloused emotions softened.

I cried the day we finally told our daughters about the abortion. We all cried.

My wife and I learned the hard way that abortion was not a solution at all. It was a bad choice that had powerful, lasting consequences.

Our recovery has been a process and a journey. We thank the Lord for bringing emotional and spiritual healing to both of us. God, through His grace, has redeemed our lives.

Today, our two adult daughters are both serving God.